the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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