someone get that fucking seahorse.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
