dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
