if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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