If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
