Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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