wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
