So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
