Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
