You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
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