how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
