i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
