I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Yo dont text me then not text me
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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