you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
