Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
