i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Less talking, more tequila
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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