i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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