haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
