are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
