This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
