thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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