New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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