she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
