and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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