I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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