she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
