I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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