Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
