I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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