I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
