I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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