I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
