You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
