It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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