Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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