like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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