hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
That's intense
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
