If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
FUCK WHALES
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
