i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
