he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
