And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
