I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I need water and some morals
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
