it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
my poor anus
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
