I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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