You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
