Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
