cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
