He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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