Kareoke will never be a sober sport
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
