dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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