Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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