i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
