I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
