Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
