Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
