Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
