I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
