I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
