he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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