My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
