But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
