If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
