i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
