i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
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Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
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I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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