Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
