The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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