jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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