my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
