Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
