I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
