pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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