If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
