sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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