Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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